Classy always wins

Presentation is everything! Does that give us permission to judge people based on how they are dressed or carrying themselves? No. That’s not what I am saying at all. I am saying, however, that our appearance and our actions tell our story. What story are you sharing?

If a teacher wore a nurse’s uniform to the store people would assume she was a nurse and worked for a hospital or a private clinic. If they asked and she confessed that she was a teacher the next question would be, “Then why are you dressed as a nurse?”

I feel the same way when I see or hear women stating their status as queens, phenomenal ladies, professionals, mothers and wives. How are you dressed? How are you acting in public? It’s hard to hear it, chew it and swallow it, but there comes a point where we all have to self-reflect. Now you may say, “What I wear does not make or break me, it should not matter, that’s not who I am”. So then why wear it? Why do it? And perhaps you are right, but let’s face it, the first thing people notice is your outer appearance or your behavior. They are not seeing your heart.

Ladies, this is important when we deal with guys specifically. A guy will place you into a mental category immediately after meeting you based on how you are dressed and what you are doing when he meets you. If he sees you fighting, cussing and carrying on, he is not thinking, “She’ll be a great mother or wife someday.” I’ve spoken to several male friend and they all agree. They know immediately whether they want a girl to be a play-thing, girlfriend or more. This placement depends on how we carry ourselves and the boundaries we set in place from the beginning! That’s where many young women make mistakes. They don’t set boundaries and a few months later they complain to friends. “He does not respect me! He talks to me any ole’ way and does whatever he feels like!” Well sweetheart, we treat people how to treat us by what we accept, allow and the boundaries we set in place during those first few dates. If you carry yourself like a phenomenal, classy lady, you will be treated accordingly. You set the bar. Don’t let someone else set it for you. You determine how others will treat you depending on how you treat yourself. Keep your head high, your clothes flattering but still modest, and demand respect.

Let’s all do some self-reflection this week. Let’s look in our closets, in our relationships, the places we visit and reflect on our behaviors in public to ensure that the story we are sharing with others, is a story we want told.

Phenomenal ladies shine, always

Xoxo 

Such a H.A.T.E.R: Highly Against the Empowering Role

Scrolling through social networks can be very enlightening! If you look carefully, the people who use social networks (Instagram, facebook and twitter etc. ) fall into a few categories. You have the encouragers, missionaries, partiers, fashionistas, photographers, food lovers, boo lovers and haters! These categories are not set in stone and some people actually move around a bit (myself included). However, the purpose of this blog is to discuss the HATERS. Those individuals (mostly women) who are highly against the empowering role. They focus on competing and back biting other women and it's like walking on hot coals for them to empower another woman. They prefer to COMPETE, and TEAR DOWN rather than EMPOWER. 

Someone once told me that women don't dress to impress men. They dress to impress other women. As competitive as men could be on the field and in the business place, I honestly believe women can be 10 times worst. We want to be the best girlfriend, the best dressed, have the best hair, the best job, make the most money, the best boyfriend etc. We want to look good and do BIG things and we want other women to see it and know it! My issue is NOT against someone wanting nice things or looking good. My issue is having a problem when someone else looks better or has better things. And if we are ALL honest with ourselves at some point, we all experience jealousy. However, a woman who is not a H.A.T.E.R usually does not experience long periods of "hating" Let's look at the signs: 

1. A woman who empowers can admit when a dress or article of clothing looks better on someone else than it does on her (e.g. either because of color, body size or just the way the woman wears it) She can admit it and still be confident in who she is. VS. a h.a.t.e.r who refuses to acknowledge that the other woman looks better and catches an attitude because of it.

2. A woman who empowers enjoys seeing other women dress up and look nice. She celebrates with her friends or other ladies in general who are dressed to the kill and compliments them either in person or a like/comment on social network VS. a H.A.T.E.R who needs to be at the center of attention at all times and does not give compliments to other women. She may or may not like a picture, but 9 times out of 10 she will observe the photos and what other people say from a distance. 

3. A woman who empowers can easily provide information of where she bought a particular article of clothing or accessory if someone asks out of interest. She is happy to give the information especially if it's for a good deal (who does not LOVE a good sale?) VS. a H.A.T.E.R who dislikes telling others where she received something to be helpful because she NEEDS to be the ONLY one wearing it, walking in it, or owning it! 

Phenomenal Ladies are women who wear the empowering role well! They enjoy seeing other women succeed and look good while doing it! They provide assistance when needed and they celebrate with others for their accomplishments and give compliments where they are due. They encourage, they support and they love. Phenomenal women speak LIFE!!!! 

If more people committed to walking in love daily this world would truly be a better place. Ladies, keep an attitude check constantly. What vibe do you give other women in person and on social networks? As women we spend so much time focusing on solving relationship problems  with the opposite sex but neglect to solve the issues with our own kind. If you respond well to other women that energy will flow in other relationships. Most men dislike the pettiness and catty behaviors that some girls breathe daily, Hating and competing with each other are the roots! 

Let's empower this week and encourage others to empower as well! #Teamempowering 

xoxo 

Hey Spring!

Spring is here! Good bye WINTER!!:) Although Spring may not be my favorite time of the year (I LOVE Summer) I am happy that it's here because 1. That means it's closer to Summer and 2. Winter, snow and ice is no more! However, we all know that Spring is usually the time when people make changes to their wardrobe and their houses. We pack up the heavy winter coats and boots and bring out the light jackets and when the weather is really nice we can even bring out a floral dress or so. People clean out their closets and homes in preparation for spring. Although these are all great things to do, let's not forget cleaning up our lives as well.

There are some personal changes and relationship changes that need to take place among all of us. Are you easily angered and bitter all the time? Let's clean that attitude up for spring. Are you still in a relationship with a man who disrespects you continually? Let's throw that relationship out for spring. Spend the next week reflecting on your life and relationships (family, friendships etc.) and make changes where necessary. Also, be honest. At times we are so quick to place the blame on everyone else thinking they ARE the problem when in reality, it could very well be us. Are you a good friend? Are you a good daughter? Are you a good girlfriend/wife? Even if your answer to that is yes, we can always strive to be better. Why settle for being a good friend, a good woman, a good daughter? Don't settle for "good" when you can be a PHENOMENAL friend and a PHENOMENAL woman. Below are some Spring cleaning tips:

1) Friendships 

Examine your friendships. Many of us cling on to friendships and relationships that expired a long time ago. We hope that things will change and when they don’t we make excuses. Its time to clean up our friendships. If your so called friend only calls you when they need something, you may need to talk to them about it or put some distance between the two of you. Be mindful of the company you keep and the people you welcome into your life. Bad company ruins good character. Guard your life and your heart at all costs. 

2)  Finances. 

Do you really need that $300 pair of shoes or are you just trying to keep up with the Jones'. Spend wisely. We don't have to buy anything at full price nowadays. From shopping at Marshalls, to TJ MAX, and THRIFTING!!! You can get so many nice, quality things for affordable prices.  Its great to get a fresh start by developing better spending and saving habits. Get a savings account if you don't already have one. You don't have to be rich to save. Yes, times are hard. But even if your paycheck says 350 dollars, set aside 5 or 10 dollars each check in a savings account. 

3) Talents. 

Discover and use your talents. Is there something you always wanted to do but just never got around to doing it? It could be running in a 5Kmarathon or writing your own book. Whatever your talents may be its time to tap into them and be creative. You’d be surprised at what you can do if you just give it a little bit of effort. 

4) Schedule. 

Find a balance with your schedule. Try to make more time for friends and family. (This is a hard one for us at least) We get so busy with life, work, school and working on our own goals that we tend to neglect the people that really matter. We are all guilty of it at some point in time. Also, if you are naturally more of an introvert, that means you feel more energized being alone. I (Lenore here) love being alone. Don't get me wrong I love my friends, but I get really irritated when I don't get some me time and spend time in prayer and worship. Find a balance that works for you and try really hard to keep up with it.  Make  time for yourself so you can relax, get your nails done, or go on that vacation you dream about ( if you can afford it, if not save up so one day you can :) ) 

5) Mind.

 Clear your mind. Are you holding on to negative feeling from the past or still thinking about what could have been with an ex? If so its time to let those emotions go and start thinking more positive. Positive thinking has a habit of making you feel better. Controlling our thinking is hard. We can't control what enters our mind, but we can control what we give our attention to and what we entertain. Every thought that enters your mind does not need to be entertained. Mindfulness is a great technique as well. It's similar to meditation but a bit different. Research mindfulness is negative thinking is a weak spot for you.

6) Diet 

Take care of your health. If you feel good, you look good. Exercise, eat healthy and drink lots of water (another area we are currently working on) Try to start eating more fruits and vegetables and if you can't eat veggies, try juicing! I love my juicer it's great. Look into getting one and get creative with your vegetable intake. 

These are just 6 ways we thought of as preparation tips! I know this does not cover even half of it. Please share below the ways you prepare for new seasons, physically and in your relationships and personal life! We can all learn from each other! God bless you ladies!! 

V-Day

Well, it’s Valentines Day! Regardless of how this day makes you feel, I want to encourage you today and remind you that the author and Creator of love, God loves you! At times, we get so caught up with “special days” and instead of being thankful for what we do have, we tend to focus on all the things we lack. We look at other couples and wonder, “When will it be my turn?” “I am lonely on v-day, how corny is that?” or something along those lines.
Whatever you focus on will grow. 
Whatever you don’t focus on and whatever you don’t feed will die.
So what does that mean? It means if you continue to think about all the things you lack in your life, you are bound to become miserable. News flash ladies, no man wants to be around someone who is miserable and people can sense whether you’re energy is negative, positive or just downright miserable. So, what you want to AVOID actually becomes reality because your attitude makes it difficult for a man to approach you or even feel attracted to you. If you shut down those negative thoughts when they enter your mind, continuously, eventually you will find that not only will your attitude and thoughts change, but YOUR HEART will change.
There is a season for everything. Don’t rush it. If you are single, it’s not your season to be in a relationship. It’s not your job to go and find a man, push yourself on a man dying for his company, love or attention. Your job is to prepare yourself for whoever that future guy, your future husband may be. You do this by: strengthening your relationship with God, by getting to know you and growing personally and professionally, clearing out the past lovers and emotional heartbreaks (so he won’t have to deal with it) and loving those around you who are in your life. There is so much more to life than a lover on your arm, especially if that lover is not God’s lover, God’s best for you.
I encourage you to wait patiently. Don’t settle. Love God and love yourself enough to desire the very best for you. Don’t be bitter and angry, be filled with faith, hope and love. I don’t have a valentine today either, but what I do have is far greater. I have Jesus and his love, the love he has for me, there is nothing like it. I also have such a strong love for myself. I am still a work in progress, we all are, but i love myself enough to trust God’s timing and wait. Is it easy? I’d be lying if I said it was, some days are easier than others, but I am not doing this alone. Recently I started praying for my future husband (not praying that i get one lol), just praying for his protection, guidance and heart wherever and whoever he is. I ask God to protect him and continue preparing him and me until he decides it’s time for me to meet my forever valentine. Doing this may be helpful for you as well as you also wait.
Have a fabulous day! Do something special for yourself or someone else if you feel down. Serving others is a great way of taking the focus off ourselves. If you do have a special someone to share this day with, let them know how thankful you are to have them in your life. Be blessed ladies!! Taja and I both wish all of you the best today. Wait patiently and wait in love!

Self-Love

Self-esteem and self-love are issues that are often intertwined. If you suffer from low self esteem, it is possible that you have insufficient self-love. In having this, you can find it difficult to find that little bit of love for yourself. Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision and having intentions to become happy.  When you do not love yourself you will suffer from low self esteem and it is almost impossible to ever reach your full potential if this is the case.
When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life. In loving yourself you MUST change some of the things you were doing before. There are women who do things just to gain the attention of others. This is not because they love themselves, but because they are infatuated with having the love of others. You can not begin to seek someone elses love and approval if you do not first LOVE YOURSELF.
Here’s a list of 17 ways “to love yourself” for readers who are facing difficulty knowing how to do so:
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.
5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.
6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, than you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself.
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.
10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Reframe your mind with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.
11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.
13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.
14. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.
15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in everything, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers.

Got Friends?

The Oxford dictionary defines a friend as: 1) A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations- a person who is not an enemy or an ally, a contact on a social networking site or a familiar of helpful thing.  2) Member of the Religious Society of friends; a Quaker.  For the purpose of this blog I will be discussing the first definition. First off, I could not resist smiling to myself to see that “a contact on a social networking site” was included as one of the definitions. (My how society and technology has changed ) But, I was pleased to see it because there was no way I would leave out social networking as I speak about this topic.
The dictionary stated that a friend is someone with whom we have a bond of mutual affection. That means that friends should be close, joined together (figuratively speaking based on the definition) or binded together with the invisible cord of affection which then results in a friendship. If something is joined to you and close to you it is going to affect your life. If I tied a table to your back (ouch, I know) that table would not only cause you pain, but it will affect the way you walk, what you are able to do, places you can go and so on. It is the same way with our friendships. The friends you keep affect your life. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “ Do not be misled, Bad company corrupts good character.” And Proverbs 27:9 “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”  So in other words, the friends you DECIDE to keep can either  have a positive and uplifting effect on your life or a negative one that could cause hurt and ruin your reputation. We have all heard it, “Birds of a feather, flock together!” I ask you today, Who are you flying with that you need to leave behind? I wrote “decide” in caps earlier because we ultimately choose our friends. Everyone does not nor should everyone you encounter throughout your life be considered a “friend”. That does not make you mean or heartless, in no way am I saying be mean and rude to people and tell them, “Leave me alone, I can’t be your friend!”. However, what I am saying is that we must guard our hearts, minds and our lives. Your body and life should be considered a temple, a special place, you are PHENOMENAL, you were made to SHINE. As a result, we do not want someone or anything dimming you. There are some people in your life who might not support or understand your desire to do things differently or make changes in your life. Perhaps this person is consumed with drinking all the time, having sex recreationally, in trouble with the law constantly etc. How will that reflect on you? Most importantly, will their way of living or having fun make you question the decisions you have made? You are more likely to slip back into familiar patterns when you are either lonely, stressed or still surrounded by it.
Also, everyone on your friend list on facebook, or your followers on twitter, instagram etc. are NOT Your friends. You don’t have to MAKE them your friends either. The sad thing about facebook is we can add hundreds of people on our page who become “our friends” but we still struggle with finding someone to talk to when we are feeling down. Why is that? You do have over 500 friends right? That is why it is so important to build and refresh our relationships in real life not just refreshing our page to accept or add another request. Your friends should be your confidants, people who support and encourage you, a shoulder to lean on when you need it, girls who can meet up for dinner and a fun, safe night out in the town. Long story short, your friends should make you look good. If they don’t, you might want to check em’, check YOU and make some changes where necessary. Stay shining Ladies!

Tips to keep your friendships fun and exciting:
(So you’re not out getting drunk and looking for the next boy you want to try to marry lol, so what can you and your girls do to have fun and still be phenomenal?)

1. Dress up and go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant once in awhile (if you can’t afford it, go somewhere cheaper #teamOutbackSteakHouse)
2. Go to Dave and Busters and play games! Life is short, play, laugh, let the big kid inside of you out!
3. Get books together and start a book club. Meet up for coffee or drinks and discuss what you are learning!
4. Have sleepovers and movie nights  (Taja and I had the best times when we stayed indoors, no money spent and lots of laughs)
5. Make crazy, silly videos (lip sync, dance, act …get creative)
6. Go to mall/ thrift stores and remain accountable, set a budget and don’t let the spending go beyond what was agreed.
7. Always remember that YOU create fun and a good time and that the bond of mutual affection (rather than what you guys are DOING) is key!

Below are some pictures of Taja and I from College and our graduate school days. Our friendship has not always been all roses. There are times when we both get on each other’s nerves, but it has always been one of honesty, patience, support and ACCOUNTABILITY. There were times she told me about myself and I NEEDED IT and vice versa. A real friend encourages you to do better and they will never let you waste your life away without saying and doing something about it. They are not your mother, so they probably won’t force you (and they cannot) to stop doing something or leave a situation, a relationship etc., but you will be aware of their thoughts surrounding your situation.

Respecting Yourself

Self respect is very important in developing confidence and a positive attitude. The way you feel about yourself can affect the way you treat others and your interactions with them. You may think that respecting yourself is simple, yet there are many people do not give themselves enough respect. The sad truth is that, if you don’t respect yourself, you may find that other people won’t respect you either.You may also find that it is difficult to respect others when you don’t respect yourself. Respect starts with you and it is key to your personal development. Respecting yourself starts from within and it is important to have confidence in yourself. If you lack confidence that can lead to problems. Women who lack confidence are usually the ones you see doing anything for someone’s attention. Please do not confuse people like that with someone who is confident because this is usually not the case. When you are confident you start trusting in yourself and your abilities. A confident women does not need to wear revealing clothes or act a certain way to get someone’s attention because when you are truly confident it shows and respect/attention will be given.

 

Create a list of your strengths and positive attributes. Learning to focus on those aspects of yourself can really improve your self-esteem. You should also treat others with respect and by doing so you will develop respect for yourself. As you treat others respectfully you will also be treated respectfully. Its important to treat others with respect regardless of how they treat you, and realize that you are helping to teach them self-respect while building respect for yourself at the same time. It is helpful to surround yourself with positive people who respect themselves and others. People judge you based upon who you are around so you can’t expect for people to respect you if you are hanging around a bunch of other females who do not carry themselves in an appropriate way. By being in the presence of those who are positive and confident instead of the opposite, you will find yourself having more self-respect and positive energy. That is much healthier than being around those who are constantly putting themselves and others down. Be a leader, not a follower. Don’t let anyone try to talk you into doing or being something you are not. People often make the mistake of becoming chameleon like in order to please others. They change according to the company they keep. Do not let your own self-respect be diminished in order to conform to the wishes of others. Be yourself above all things. People will like and respect you for the person you are. Lastly, Work to improve yourself on all levels, meaning physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. If you are unhappy with any aspect of yourself work on ways to change it or accept it. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself for past mistakes, and move forward. Always strive to be the best you can and you will earn the respect you deserve.